🌸 The Journey of a Soul: From Childhood to Now 🌸
🌸 The Journey of a Soul: From Childhood to Now 🌸
By Tannu Goyal
"Not every beginning is beautiful, but every story has a strength waiting to bloom."
I am the second child of my family. Before me came my elder sister—a beautiful beginning to my parents’ journey as parents. Like many Indian families, they hoped for a boy as their second child—not because they didn’t want a girl, but because they simply wished for both a son and a daughter.
When I was born, things changed. I came into this world with a disability—Where a new child's arrival usually brings joy, my birth brought silence. Sadness filled the house. My mother cried—not out of rejection—but from the pain of helplessness.
It wasn’t my fault.
It wasn’t her fault.
It was a mistake made by doctors.
But still, I blamed myself...
I felt I failed to bring the happiness every parent dreams of.
And from that very moment—my struggles began.
🌧 “People looked at my body, but no one saw my soul.” 🌧
No one ever asked, "How will this little girl live her life in a world that demands perfection?"
Everyone was worried about their own dreams.
No one imagined how I would walk this world—with a broken body, but a burning spirit.
Yet, I am not blaming my family.
They did all they could.
We were not financially strong. But still, my father ran from one doctor to another, hoping—just hoping—that one day I would be “normal.”
Eventually, I had a younger brother.
My mother had a difficult delivery—multiple operations—and she stayed more in the hospital than home.
Our childhood was full of responsibilities, pain, and medicines.
Since birth, pills have been a part of my life.
Still, I smiled.
“I lived with questions that even the stars refused to answer.”
Why so much struggle?
Why can’t I be free?
Why are my dreams like birds with broken wings?
I had hopes—huge ones.
But my body never allowed me to chase them freely.
From my early years, I met many people, some amazing friends who stood by me.
In 7th grade, two special people entered my life. One of them, a childhood acquaintance, now became my closest friend.
For the first time, I felt that maybe, just maybe… life would be okay.
But then came the biggest trauma of my life.
A storm that shattered everything.
I don’t know exactly what happened to me—I still can't explain it.
But I fell into darkness.
Depression took over.
Panic attacks became a part of my nights.
Sleep ran away.
I couldn’t breathe sometimes.
🌑 “I was screaming in silence… and no one could hear me.” 🌑
I never told my parents.
I couldn’t.
I was never close to them emotionally.
And the person I valued the most… left.
I wanted to fix things.
But my trauma caged me.
We changed schools.
I lost my friends.
New school—new struggles.
In the beginning, I survived… barely.
Later, I entered another class.
Different streams, different people.
On the first day of class, I was scared. Terrified.
I had even decided to change my stream because I didn’t want to be alone.
But God had other plans.
🌼 “When hope feels dead, fate sends flowers in human form.” 🌼
I met one girl on the very first day.
It didn’t feel like we met for the first time.
She noticed my problems. She understood.
I sat with her and suddenly, I didn’t want to change anything.
Then two more girls entered my life.
And a few boys too—surprisingly kind, respectful, gentle.
I, who used to avoid talking to boys, started trusting a few of them.
That class… changed me.
The teachers were supportive. I got a healthy environment.
From a normal student, I became one of the toppers.
And in the class, I was the third topper of the class.
Our new principal treated me like her own child.
Her faith in me helped me prepare for the board exams.
🎓 “The last pages of a chapter are the most emotional ones.” 🎓
Then came the last year of school.
Our time together was coming to an end.
I didn’t want to lose anyone, especially my closest friends.
We lived every moment during those last days—laughing, crying, dancing, celebrating.
Farewell day was magical.
After the final exam, I hugged everyone, knowing that many would never return to my life again.
We even went on a trip together.
We faced many challenges—but we stayed strong, together.
But again… life had other plans.
The one friend I thought I’d never be separated from—she stayed.
Others too.
But the girl who sat with me on day one… she left.
She left quietly, and took a part of me with her.
🏙 “I wanted to fly... but they clipped my wings in the name of care.” 🏙
I wanted to go to Dehradun for further studies.
I wanted to live my life… on my own.
But my parents said I couldn’t handle everything alone.
So I stayed.
I took admission in the same college as my old friends.
But that turned out to be a mistake.
The person who was once the closest to me, changed.
I expressed my feelings—my struggles—but she didn’t take them seriously.
And that strong friendship?
It broke.
Shattered.
But life is strange…
The girl who lived miles away stayed connected.
She gave me the belief that not all friendships die.
💔 “I give my heart so easily… and it always comes back in pieces.” 💔
I always consider people my own.
So why does life keep taking them away from me?
I am tired now.
Exhausted.
Broken.
This was my journey…
From childhood to now.
From tears to trauma.
From disability to strength.
From loneliness to brief warmth… and back to loneliness again.
🌙 A Poem from My Soul 🌙
"They said I was born broken, but I kept walking still,
They said I couldn't speak, yet I spoke through my will.
They looked for smiles, but missed the pain,
I danced in storms and smiled through rain.
They left, one by one, some close, some dear,
But I carried their memories, soaked in tear.
Now I sit with silence, my most honest friend,
Not knowing when this road will bend."
I don't know what lies ahead.
But I still carry hope…
Maybe not in my voice,
Maybe not in my body,
But always—always in my heart.
To anyone reading this—know that pain doesn’t make you weak. It makes you real.
This was my story.
And if even one person finds courage through it…
Then all my struggle was worth it.
Thank you so much 😊
__Tannu
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